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Ever have the nagging feeling that you’re forgetting something? I just realized the something I forgot to do was make dinner.
#whatsfordinnermom #ummmmmmmm
Just when I think I can’t possibly love my 13 month-old daughter more than I already do, she breaks out her best dance moves during Handel’s “Messiah”
Feeling overwhelmed? I recommend jumping in the clean pile of laundry on your bed and making snow angels.
#protip #laundryangels #hopethatwasCLEANlandry
Getting ready to indulge in an olive oil and sea salt hand scrub. . . otherwise known as- getting potatoes ready for the oven.
#sofancy
When I talk about adoption lots of people tell me they aren’t sure they could love someone they aren’t blood related to. This makes me wonder if more people are married to their blood relatives than I previously realized.
Buy gift. Buy paper to hide gift in. Recipient rips paper, throws paper away, enjoys gift.
I do not understand the concept of wrapping paper. Which is why my kids get their gifts festively presented in the plastic bag from the store they came from.
#cheapmomconfession
5 year-old decided to make Christmas cards for her friends this morning. Apparently it only took her five years to become more womanly than I am.
Bethany (5): I’m going to marry E from preschool since he’s not in our family.
Me: He is a nice boy, but how do we decide if someone is the right person for us to marry?
B: Ummm, we have to remember who he is!
I feel as though we’re setting the bar a little low. . .
I have much respect for the moms making handmade gifts for their kids. I will not be doing that. Mostly because I have no creative talent, but also because I make them a handmade gift every night. It’s called dinner. And they usually hate it.
#lessonlearned
Sign you don’t get out much: You reach into your purse for your wallet and instead pull out the urine collection cup from your midwife’s office.
#fourthtrimesterproblems
Brian (husband): Why don’t we have gifts under the tree?
Me: It seemed like a waste since Carrie would find them and unwrap them and ruin the surprise so I was waiting until the last minute.
B: But babies ruining Christmas is an important part of Christmas!
#tradition
Just when you are congratulating yourself on how speedy you are at diaper changes, you hear your baby make some digestive noises and realize you can kick your diaper changing speed into a whole new gear when necessary.
Josh (age 8) has decided he would like to have a future as professional beatboxer. It’s going to be a long Christmas break.
The boys want to “help” me clean the house to earn money. I’m pretty sure this is going to cost me both all the change in my wallet and most of my sanity.
The two month-old is rolling over. It’s like he knows I want him to stay little and he’s already trying to rebel.
#sixthbaby
“Oh Mommy! Yay! We’re the first at the red light!”
#optimistchild
Me: And the top cake layer is green like grass. Why does Daddy have to mow the grass?
Danny (5): Because it grows so much.
Me: Right! So when Jesus comes into our heart, what will we do?
D:. . . We will mow it.
#MerryHeresy
My kids can’t keep secrets. Which is awesome 99% of the time. The other 1% of the time is Christmas.
I scolded the kids for interrupting me while I was on the phone. When I got off the phone I found out they were trying to tell me they just made lunch and could they eat it while I finished my phone call. Oops.
Just when you think parenting can’t surprise you anymore, you find you have a child who likes to finger paint with their poop during nap time.
Me: Danny, why is the dog howling? (walk into the room and see Danny singing into the dog’s ear)
Danny: I’m teaching him my Indian songs.
Me: Oh. . . well. . . carry on. . . I guess. . .
#nativepride
“Don’t go in the closet! There’s a baby sleeping in there!”
#largefamilyproblems #blessed #infertilityperspective
When I can’t find a babysitter, instead of telling myself that I will never again have time alone, I try to affirm that my job is so complex that you can’t even pay someone to do it.
#jobsecurity
Turned around to scold a child for telling another child he needed a better nose. Realized they were making people out of Play-doh. Crisis averted.