Every September My Bridge Radio does a focus on foster care to correspond with some foster parent recruitment events Christian Heritage puts on across the state. It’s been a joy to be part of those conversations for the last few years. I especially loved the focus this year on how everybody can do something. In this interview you’ll hear about how we started the foster care and adoption journey, what keeps people from stepping into this work, what YOU can do to help, and what foster parents in your community might need, even if they don’t want to tell you.
You can listen to the interview here and I’m posting links to additional reading you can do on these topics if you’re interested. I’d love to hear your feedback!
Foster Care isn’t devastating. It’s mostly just annoying. –I think it’s easier for someone to say, “I couldn’t be a foster parent because of how heartbroken I would be to love and lose a foster child” than for them to say what may be the truth: “I don’t want to be a foster parent because it would be really inconvenient.” These daily irritations reveal our selfishness. They highlight the areas where we really hang on to our personal freedoms and autonomy. They show us where we want control and how angry we’ll get when that doesn’t happen even if the issues are minor. I see the character of foster parents revealed not in the major griefs and heartaches, but in the minor frustrations.–
In praise of the “single serving size” foster parent. “Each foster family comes into this with a unique set of skills and gifts. They have their own calling. There is not one right way to do this, except to be aware of what you can do and what you can’t do. Healthy boundaries are wise and necessary. If someone tells me they can only do it one time, for one child, that may be exactly what you are called and equipped to do. I honor and support you knowing that about yourself and your family.”
If you give a foster family a chicken dinner. “I think there is a wrong impression that doing something for foster kids requires actually being the one to invest in the foster kid. What many of us know is that when you invest in the foster FAMILY or the foster PARENTS you are actually doing the best thing possible for the foster child. They need to bond with those parents. They need to feel safe and loved by consistent adults who can provide nurture, structure and stability for them. They don’t need a rotating parade of adults in and out of their lives to say nice things to them. When you can build into the foster parents, the foster child will reap the rewards.”
7 Things Foster Parents Need You to Know. “Foster parents don’t have the freedom to parent the way everyone else does. Their kids have unique needs, triggers, histories, medical issues, etc. that must be accounted for. Our top priority is building a trusting relationship with the child. That likely means establishing safe and firm boundaries while giving lots of affection, nurture and grace. Recognize that your parenting experience may not prepare you to offer advice that’s applicable in this unique situation. That doesn’t mean you can’t talk about parenting together, it just may mean you have to ask more questions and be willing to learn about the issues your friend is facing.”
“I’m considering foster parenting, but my spouse isn’t supportive.” “Don’t move forward if you have a spouse who is wiling to go along to please you, but doesn’t think this is a good idea. You both need to be committed to helping kids in crisis. These kids can create a lot of chaos and tension in homes where everybody is united, you can only imagine the damage that can happen if parents disagree about the fact that the child is even in the home.”
The American Dream is Ruining Foster Parents. “It can be really frustrating to give a child a beautiful life only to see them return to a home of hardship. It can feel unfair to those of us who are accustomed to having our efforts rewarded. We hate this loss of control. We are doing everything right, but at the end we are left with heartache.”
Love is Not Wasted. “Foster moms aren’t magical. We don’t have unbreakable hearts or a different kind of love that protects us from pain. We love and grieve and then love again. We do it because we know that love is not divided. Love is not wasted. Love doesn’t collect interest when you put it away and save it for later.”