Watching your child experience suffering is one of our hardest experiences as parents. But I don’t think it’s an avoidable one. Even if we could keep our kids from ever experiencing a hard time in their childhood, we know those painful, agonizing moments are all but promised us in adulthood. We need to prepare our kids for suffering and model how to suffer well.
That was the focus of this interview I did for My Bridge Radio. I loved that they wanted to focus on this aspect of parenting, since it’s one we often want to run from. I think the truth is that our children are naturally good at suffering. It’s our job to help teach them gratitude, give them perspective, be honest with them about our struggles, but not pass on some of our own ingrained ways of coping that do more harm than good. It’s a delicate dance as we want to validate the hard emotions of suffering without letting them pull us under.
I’d love to hear your thoughts about how you do this with your kids!
Here are some questions I think it’s good to ask yourself as you walk through a difficult time with your kids:
-Who can I talk to about this so I don’t inappropriately dump on my kids?
-Am I praying about this?
-Who are the safe adults my kids could talk to if they won’t/can’t open up to me right now?
-Am I being honest with my child in age-appropriate ways about our current struggle?
-How will I know when it’s time to seek therapy for myself or my child?
-Am I open to wisdom from others about this situation or how I’m handling it?
-Does my child have healthy community around them? Do I?
-Am I creating safe moments for my child to express their emotions– both positive and negative emotions?
-Am I modeling that joy is not dependent on circumstances? Am I modeling that it’s okay to grieve?
-Have we talked about family moments of God’s faithfulness? Moments from the Bible? Moments from history?