Early Potty Training- the why (and why not)

Okay people, I want to talk to you about early potty training. What is early potty-training? The answer to that question is not as straightforward as you might think. There is an entire world of literature, support groups, and a culture based around “elimination communication.” It can mean starting your baby’s potty-training lessons shortly after they’re born, which is kind of incredible. I had a Cambodian neighbor who did this with her baby. It is amazing to watch. She made this noise every time her baby let something fly and pretty soon in a Pavlovian response the baby would piddle on cue when she made that noise. In some cultures this is an expected part of raising a baby and it does work. However, that isn’t what I’m talking about. My goal is to have my child day potty-trained by their second birthday, which makes me kind of a slacker by early potty training standards. As a former bedwetter, I don’t expect them to be dry overnight until I notice them waking up with a dry diaper in the morning or waking up in the night to use the bathroom.

I think we’ve developed a myth of potty training “readiness” in our current parenting philosophy. You can find lists of cues to tell you when your child is ready (and I think nobody shows those signs until they’re at least two, generally closer to three), but I really think it has more to do with when a parent is ready. Are YOU motivated to get this kid out of diapers? Really motivated? Motivated enough to clean out their poop pants until they get the hang of it? Motivated enough to spend a bunch of days just sitting around the house watching them for signs they’re about to pee on your floor? I have potty trained kids who showed none of the “readiness” signs and they did fine. I have also potty trained when a child showed none of the readiness signs and he literally pooped his pants every day for 9 months. Could I have interpreted that as him not being ready? Sure. But I’m also not sure he ever would have learned without pooping his pants for 9 months because of the way he learns. I could have waited until he was “ready” and then I could have been cleaning up bigger messes from a bigger kid for 9 months. No thanks. Here are my readiness signs:  Can they sit by themselves? Can they get themselves to the potty? Could they communicate if you taught them (through words or sign) if they need to potty? Done. Ready.

I’d like to warn you before you accidentally stumble into the world of elimination communication that there is kind of an overall parenting philosophy that goes along with it. If you are not 100% committed to attachment parenting, you might find yourself feeling a little uncomfortable. At least, that was my experience, so just a heads-up. I don’t think you need to be an attachment parent to early potty-train, but a lot of the support and culture is geared around that philosophy.

Before we talk about how or why, I want to tell you what I am explicitly NOT doing in this post:

I am NOT saying this is for everybody. Not everybody is as motivated as I am to get their kids out of diapers, which is absolutely fine. If this idea doesn’t appeal to you, don’t worry about it. You really have to want to make it work for this to be worth trying.

I am NOT saying this is morally superior. If your child potty-trained at age 5, I don’t think God is going to address that with you when you get to heaven, unless it was related to some other kind of heart issue you had going on. I feel it’s the right thing for me to do and I’ll share those reasons with you, but I don’t think it’s THE right thing to do. The age at which your child potty-trained is not a badge of honor or proof of their intellect.

I am NOT saying this is easy. If somebody tells you there are are a couple easy steps to potty training every type of kid in a weekend, they are out of their mind (or trying to sell a book). Potty training can be hard work whatever method you try, depending on your child.

I am NOT saying if your four year-old is still in a diaper I have a personal opinion about that. What happens between you, your child, and their dirty diaper is your business. As parents we all have to prioritize what issues we tackle and if you haven’t gotten around to this one, that’s your decision. As always, pursue your child’s heart for Jesus and everything else is secondary. Until someone shows me a study that proves the majority of the prison population is made up of late potty trainers, I’m not too concerned about it.

So if it isn’t for everybody, isn’t morally superior, isn’t easy, and I don’t care if you’re doing it, why would I do it:

I am big on boundaries. I honestly feel awkward when my kids are old enough to talk to me about the state of their diaper. I want to respect that intellect and teach them how to handle this issue themselves. It’s really the start for me of teaching them about privacy and the beautiful way God made their bodies. It’s important to me to not have there be a time when they were old enough to remember having a diaper changed by a stranger in the church nursery. It makes it easier for me to tell them no one should be touching those parts of their body when I’m not putting them in a position where that HAS to happen because they have to have a diaper changed by a babysitter, nursery worker, childcare provider, etc.

I like communicating with my child. We all know the kid who would hide in the corner to poop his diaper. That kid knows what he’s doing isn’t socially acceptable and is communicating that. I always want to respect my child’s awareness and help him communicate his needs. When you can give him the tools to express his bathroom needs, that’s an area where you two are communicating. I like that.

I hate paying for diapers. I am cheap. This is a fact. I feel better in my soul when I’m washing pooped pants vs. throwing out diapers. I’m weird, I know.

This is my eco compromise. I fully support cloth diapers. I just don’t use them. I’ve never gotten into the habit, never made that big up-front financial commitment, never felt compelled. So I intentionally try to potty train early so I’m minimizing the amount of diaper trash we’re creating.

Sometimes it gets harder when you wait. I think some kids develop anxiety about the toilet when you wait to potty train. They are comfortable pooping themselves and have no trouble expressing their dislike of the potty. I like to preemptively introduce the potty so I don’t have to deal with that issue later.

It works for my personality. I don’t get angry easily, I don’t mind messes, I love a good schedule, and I’m a bit of a hermit. All these personality factors make early potty training a good fit for me and my family.

So tomorrow I’ll tell you what I do to have my kids out of diapers on their second birthday. Oh, the suspense 🙂