I would not call myself a creative person. I can’t draw, sew, or bake. I write, but mostly I’m just rehashing my life which doesn’t exactly feel creative. But there is one area where I have gotten quite creative- coming up with consequences.
In our group home days we didn’t have a lot of go-to consequences we could use. Our employers gave us a list of things we could NOT do based on the issues our kids were likely to have. They made sense, although most parents wouldn’t be limited in their discipline options in that way. We couldn’t have the kids do physical labor because we wanted them to learn the value of hard work and not see it as a punishment. We couldn’t withhold food as a consequence (i.e. “You’re going to bed without supper!”) because some of these kids came from extreme poverty or homes where food had been used manipulatively. We couldn’t take away tv privileges because we didn’t watch tv. As you can see, it got tricky.
So the goal of our consequences was always to make them as logical as possible. We wanted to make the punishment fit the crime. This requires a fair bit of creativity, but when you can do it right you are in a much better position to reinforce why the problem behavior needs to stop. (I have previously talked about letting your child pick the consequence, which is another variation on prioritizing your child’s ability to connect their actions with the consequences. I like both options and use them interchangeably.)
So here are some examples:
Behavior: You walked outside in your socks and now they’re filthy.
Consequence: You will help me do the laundry tonight.
(Clothes don’t wash themselves. If you want to get yours extra dirty, you can help clean them.)
Behavior: You ruined your sister’s favorite coloring book.
Consequence: You will help your sister clean her room.
(You were disrespectful to her things. You will now show care for her things.)
Behavior: You left your shoes in the living room where I had to pick them up.
Consequence: You will dust and tidy the living room.
(Someone else had to do your work for you. You need to repay the favor.)
Behavior: You spoke disrespectfully to Mom.
Consequence: You will write Mom an apology note and have fifteen minutes of silence.
(Words matter. Use them carefully or don’t use them at all.)
Behavior: You jumped on the couches.
Consequence: You may not sit on the couches today. You can sit on the floor.
(It is important to be respectful of our investments. If you can’t control yourself, we will remove the temptation.)
Behavior: You were being careless and broke a dish.
Consequence: You will use your own money to replace the dish.
(Our things represent the time it took to earn the money to purchase them. It hurts when we have to spend money unexpectedly.)
Are you seeing how this works? Instead of resorting to time-out for everything or grounding for everything or taking away screen time for everything, you work to create a sense of responsibility in your child. They have an easier time connecting their negative behavior with the particular consequence because it makes sense. I also find that these consequences are easier to deliver in a calm manner because they’re just logical. I’m not threatening or yelling, just doing what makes sense in the situation. When I can give consequences that make sense in a way that implies respect for the child I find that they will often respond respectfully. They also seem to have an easier time assigning blame appropriately instead of being angry at me when they can connect their actions with the consequence.
Tell me how it works for you!
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