(It’s like reality TV. . . except it’s on Facebook. And also twitter.)
The six year-old just learned to ride his bike without training wheels. I’m pretty sure college is right around the corner.
If your child is eating peas from the garden and decides to squish one in his hand, he might ask you what you call the juice in a pea. And if you say, “I don’t know. . . pea juice?” be prepared for him to laugh. A lot.
Josh: Mom, we are the ALPHA FIGHT! I am Iron Fist! Danny is SpiderBuzz! And Bethany is. . . um. . . FIRE HYDRANT!
She likes it. I won’t complain.
If I had a dime for every time a kid accidentally hit me in the teeth with their head, I might have enough money for the dental work I’m going to eventually need.
Me: Baby, why are you screaming?
The Baby: D! Please!
Me: Did Danny take that from you and you want it back?
The Baby: D! D!
Me: Danny, give that back to your brother.
Josh: He knows how to tell on us now? Uh-oh. . .
#babybrotherrevenge #finally
It was extremely helpful when the four year-old learned how to take the clean laundry out of the washer and put it in the dryer. It was much less helpful when he started taking the laundry out of the dryer and putting it back in the washer.
Went to scold my child for putting clean clothes in the hamper. Found him reading Bible stories to his sister. So. . .um. . . never mind.
Note to self: If your boys ask you what a “coonskin cap” is, it may not be wise to show them a clip of the 1954 Davy Crockett theme. Unless you’re ready for some uncomfortable questions from your little Sioux about the “Injun War”. Thank you, 1950s Americana. Thanks a lot.
Went to tuck the boys in and heard them yell, “Watch out for the booby traps!” Not a good sign.
The diaper free baby just peed on me and the copy of “Free Range Kids” I was reading in the backyard.
Makes sense.
Bethany correctly guessed the word Josh was trying to sound out.
Me: Hey, how did you read that?
Bethany: Mom. With my voice.
Touche.
Felt awkward watching my African son line dance to country music. Realized the country music was being sung by Darius Rucker. Felt like an idiot for feeling awkward.
#fightingstereotypes
Josh: Mom, if I get lost I made this so you can show the police what I look like. Keep it in your wallet.
Me: Yes. . . I’m sure this will be very helpful. . .
Joshua, a self portrait
Me: Do you know where babies come from?
Daughter: Sure, Mommy.
Me: You do? Where do they come from?
Daughter: From the hospital! Then you adopt them.
I guess we still have some educating to do. . .
Daughter: I have a go potty.
Me: Can you tell which one is the ladies room?
Daughter: That one.
Me: How could you tell?
Daughter: With my voice!
Got me again.