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Danny: You old butt!
Josh: I’m gonna slug you!
Bethany: (sigh) Boys these days.
#mommysgirl
When I started doing an exercise dance class, I hoped maybe I’d pick up some new moves. I am coming to realize I have mostly just learned how to do squats in time with music.
#baddancer #somanysquats #Refit
We’ve been trying to teach our child that if you feel nervous and eye-contact feels overwhelming, you can look at someone’s nose. Apparently, he took that to mean he should look at his own nose. So now there are a lot of awesome pictures of him from a recent birthday party and his school musical. . . .
Husbands, you don’t need to ask your stay-at-home wife what she did all day. If the house is still standing, then you can just assume what she did all day was BE AWESOME at handling stuff at home. Congratulations are in order.
I have two kinds of kids: Those who wake up on full blast, full volume, ready to conquer the world, and those that have to whimper in a dark corner for an hour before they’re ready to face the day. This means breakfast is always an adventure.
#WANNAPLAY #leavemealone #breakfastproblems
The Baby used to have about a five word vocabulary. Then he learned how to say “Mommy” and now has abandoned any other language skills. Mommy= Food. Mommy= Pick me up. Mommy= Where’s my bear? Mommy= That other kid was mean to me. Mommy= I’m awake. Mommy= I dropped my cup. It’s the world’s most multipurpose word.
#somuchMOMMY
I’m glad I spent an hour getting everybody looking nice for church this morning since they got chocolate donut all over themselves (and me) within three minutes of walking in the church doors. Sigh.
The two year-old is happily wandering the house singing, “butt face butt face butt face.” I’m convinced toddlers without older brothers don’t do this kind of stuff.
Can’t find where I set down my coffee cup. Thanks, Monsanto. (My new life philosophy- when in doubt, blame Monsanto.)
I was folding laundry and found something I didn’t recognize. Turns out it was Kylo Ren’s hood from a large action figure. So today I am imagining that I am basically Princes Leia.
#dellusionsofgranduer
Two of my kids (who share a room) weren’t getting along, so we put them in separate rooms for the night. I woke up in the morning to find them in the same bed. Mine.
#momfail #cantbetogether #cantbeapart
Sometimes I get helpful parenting tips from watching Cesar Millan.
#momconfession #calmassertive #packleader
If I see a child under the age of 6 wearing shoes with laces, I assume he is an only child.
#toomanykidsforlaces #velcrofamily
Me: Spring Cleaning time! Let’s get rid of stuff we don’t need!
Kids: EVERYTHING IN THIS HOUSE HAS SENTIMENTAL VALUE AND IS PRECIOUS TO US AND ALSO WE SHOULD GET MORE STUFF. AND WHY ARE YOU TOUCHING THAT PIECE OF TRASH AND THAT ROCK? THEY ARE IMPORTANT.
Me: (locks herself in her room and cries)
#purgerconfessions
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